


maybe there are things worth living for, but i'm not strong enough

by periwinklepandas



Category: Minecraft (Video Game), Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Angst, Depressed TommyInnit (Video Blogging RPF), Exiled TommyInnit (Video Blogging RPF), One Shot, Other, Suicidal TommyInnit (Video Blogging RPF), Suicide, TommyInnit Angst (Video Blogging RPF), TommyInnit Deserves Better (Video Blogging RPF)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-27
Updated: 2020-12-27
Packaged: 2021-03-11 03:47:33
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 761
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28358784
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/periwinklepandas/pseuds/periwinklepandas
Summary: Tommy can't find the energy to stay alive anymore. (reposted from my (taken down) oneshots book)
Comments: 5
Kudos: 197





	maybe there are things worth living for, but i'm not strong enough

**Author's Note:**

> original notes :// i have come to the realization that everything i write is angsty monologues of thought-  
> anyways here take some more tommy angst, but its actually kinda dark this time....  
> i was gonna save this to post for tomorrow but then i thought : "frick it might as well"  
> enjoy :)
> 
> word count : 766
> 
> tw:// suicide

Tommy sat on the bridge arching over the lava lakes, his legs dangling off the edge, swinging in a repetitive pattern.

Staring down into the bubbling lava below him, Tommy studied the flowing magma, how it swirled with vivid reds and oranges. Heat rose from the gurgling liquid beneath him, suffocating, making it harder and harder to breathe with every passing moment.

Clutching the compass in his hand tightly, like it would disappear at any moment, Tommy continued gazing at the orange liquid.

It was.........mesmerizing. Tommy thought about how easy it would be to just push a little, to send himself tumbling down into the magma. 

Every second spent hurt, filled with pain, loneliness.

Was there even anything worth living for?

Tommy found himself edging towards the lava pool, inch by inch, until he was practically on the edge of the path.

Last life. He was on his last life.

If he jumped, he'd be gone for good. 

Dead.

Choked sobs came from the blond sitting on the pathway, echoing through the Nether. Everything was blurry, indistinct apart from the scarlet lava beneath, tunnel vision focusing only on the lava.

He hated it here ----- he wanted to leave. He hated the loneliness, the cold nights, the silence of being alone ---- he didn't want to be in this world anymore. Every living second _hurt,_ filled with pain and suffering, and he just wanted to end it all.

Tears fell from his blue eyes, dulled by grief and betrayal. Did Tommy even have anything left that was worth staying alive for?

Tubbo.

He had Tubbo.

Tommy looked down at the glowing compass that was clutched tightly in his palm, the words "Your Tubbo" engraved neatly in the metal.

In a way, the compass was a reminder. A reminder of his best friend, his Tubbo, the person he had to stay alive for.

A reminder of the things worth living for.

Maybe there _were_ things worth living for.

Maybe L'manberg was worth living for ---- his nation, his country.

Maybe his friends were worth living for, his family ---- Phil, Wilbur, Tubbo, Techno-

Maybe the small things were worth living for. The feeling of wind in his hair, the sound of the waves crashing on the shore, the twinkling stars that showed at night.

Maybe all the things that he loved were worth living for.

But L'manberg wasn't his anymore, he wasn't a part of it anymore. He was an exile, unwanted, unloved.

But his family was broken, shattered.

Phil didn't care about him anymore -- he barely visited him.

Wilbur was dead, his demise caused by his own insanity.

Techno was a traitor, an anarchist who only wanted to see chaos, he had hurt Tubbo-

Tubbo.

His Tubbo.

His best friend, his _only_ friend.

His best friend, who had exiled him, banished him from L'manberg, the country they built and fought for together-

He wasn't mad at Tubbo, they'd always be best friends, brothers, but they were so far apart now, separated by distance and by exile, and they promised they'd see each other again-

But that day seemed so far away, out of reach, and Tommy missed Tubbo so _much-_

Everything that he'd loved had been ripped away from him, torn apart.

It hurt so much.

Maybe there were things worth living for, yeah. But it hurt so much, he couldn't stand to live anymore.

"I'm sorry." the words fell from his mouth, an apology for what he was about to do.

Tommy was sorry.

He was sorry to Tubbo, sorry to Phil, sorry to Ghostbur, sorry to Niki, sorry to the people he loved.

Teardrops slid from his eyes down his cheeks, dropping down onto the compass he clutched so tightly.

He was sorry for not being strong enough to stay alive for the people he loved, because there _were_ things worth living for in this life, people worth living for.

He just wasn't strong enough to make it through the dark times; the nightmares, and persist onto the dawn.

He wasn't strong enough to face the pain that tormented his every waking moment, he just wanted it to stop.

He wanted to leave, to forget.

Maybe in another world, in another universe, another lifetime, he could be reunited with his family ---- the people that made life worth living.

Slipping off the edge of the pathway, falling, falling, falling, feeling the wind blow past him as he fell, feeling the heat of the lava, the scorch of the flames, the blond murmurs a silent apology.

_"I'm sorry."_

**_Tommyinnit tried to swim in lava._ **


End file.
